Life's A Whirlwind

     So, life isn't anywhere what I would have ever expected it to be. One day I feel like I am on top, and then the next day I am drowning and feel as if I am so alone in the world. It is this endless cycle of not knowing, as a kid I always thought that by now I would be done with school or just about to finish. Well I am not done with school, but slowly getting closer. I do not have everything figured out, and quite honestly I am just as lost as the next person. I might look like I have it all together, but really I find myself sitting here wondering why I am in the situations I am in.

I ran away from life one day, and I
do not regret it at all

    Well lucky for me I finally figured out that going to church is worth it when you go for yourself. Even when going is hard because you don't feel as if you fit in, or people do things to make you feel so alone. The past couple of weeks I have learned so much. This week I noticed a common theme about how Heavenly Father not only wants us to be happy, but he wants us to be us. Not that I hadn't ever heard it, but at one point in the past few months I lost who I was. I found myself struggling with everything, not went right ever and I wasn't happy. I didn't realize that I had completely forgotten who I was, and was trying to live a life that didn't fit me. Unfortunately that came at the cost of no longer working at a place that taught me so much. I learned all sorts of new skills, and met lots of people. Unfortunately somewhere along the road I was no longer that kid who loved drumming, music, longboarding, and everything that makes me, me. I was just that girl who was always at work, and failing at school. I was someone who couldn't even smile while doing the things they loved, but I now have time to do anything in the world. Yet I am too afraid to do it, because I forgot how to be brave. I am working on improving, but at the same time I find myself forgetting what matters most. I get so distracted, and I push everyone away even when I know and want to let them in. Heavenly Father never wants us to be unhappy, but we have to want it for ourselves if we want to truly be happy.
   The second thing that has struck me is the phrase "God is patience" never have I ever thought about it this way. Patience has always been that thing I wasn't good at. I want things, and I want them now. If it cannot be easily planned out and achieved I probably will go crazy and drive everyone else nuts while I am at it. Well now I just remind myself that patience is a God-like quality that I want to strive for.

 

Good friends keep me on the right path

While I might not have any clue what is actually going to happen in my life, I do know that I want to be happy. I want to be an engineer and to help others see that their potential is as big as you make it. I'm not so good at happy, or doing things with people but my heart wants it so I try. I am learning guitar because I am not even close to happy without music. Drumming is still what has my heart, but I don't have many opportunities to play, so learning a new instrument will have to do for now. 

My job has brought the most amazing people
into my life...even if they are five